


from now on your troubles will be miles away.

by commonemergency



Series: ficmas 2017. [24]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 05:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: Dan was beginning to realize that some of the best days are the ones that come from a lot of pain and sadness. Christmas Eve wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be and he knew Christmas Day would be good too, in due time.Or Dan gets stuck on a train on Christmas Eve.





	from now on your troubles will be miles away.

**Author's Note:**

> the couple days leading up to christmas are always hard for me, i wrote this thinking of how exhausting christmas can be and it turned out a lot different than intended. 
> 
> i hope everyone has had a wonderful christmas. and if the holidays are hard then i hope you have a better tomorrow.
> 
> thanks for reading my ficmas, taking time to read and comment, it truly means so, so much to me. 
> 
> i'm not sure if this will be the last of my fics until the new year, and if so, thanks for tagging along with me on this journey. <3

Things were not going according to plan for Dan. He had been stuck on a train for what felt like hours. The worst part of it was the commute was never this long. On a good day it was only about a half an hour but the train had been stopped. It was at first because they were waiting for another train, and then it stopped because there was technical difficulties, the third time- well, Dan had stopped paying attention, he just knew that they were stopped and it was dark inside his car and the sun was setting outside and it was cold. There were numerous people on the train that were calling family members asking if they could pick them up because it would be quicker than having to wait.

He could call his mum, although that would ruin her getting dinner ready and he had already was given enough grief for coming home so late for Christmas. He knew that it was a risk leaving as late as possible, it was a hassle getting to the train station because of how busy the traffic was from where they lived and having to travel to Paddington station. Dan blamed it on his parents having shitty wifi, but really, he wasn’t feeling the Christmas spirit, after spending a few days in the Isle of Man he just didn’t really care at all. Christmas was always a stressful holiday when it came to things needing to be baked, and wrapped, and staying away from that One Uncle and that One Aunt because you’re not quite out yet, and “ _Phil Is My Friend_ ” could speak volumes and the people who got it understood but the people who didn’t said things that could be quite venomous and honestly? Dan couldn’t be arsed to deal with it. 

So, he was coming late. Except, he wasn’t sure if he was even coming at all because of how long the train had been stopped. He didn’t have that much battery left and his charger was in his suitcase buried beneath a pile of crap and gifts. He could use a drink and a hug. He texted Phil what was going on but he knew that Phil probably wasn’t answering his phone for a while because of he was neck deep in family traditions and sugary coffee. He just wanted to hear his voice for a couple of seconds, it may not fix everything, but it’d certainly help calm him down. 

He rested his head against the window, feeling the cold glass against his forehead and he huffed. _Fuck Christmas_ , he thought to himself, _fuck Christmas and fuck this train._

He felt like the Scrooge in many ways. It didn’t help that he was feeling a little under the weather, and by under the weather he felt like if you were to blow him over he wouldn’t stop it from happening. He was a twig in the middle of a hurricane. He kept repeatedly bumping his head to the glass, thinking that maybe he could just knock himself out and he’d be at Reading station and forget this whole fucking fiasco. 

_train still isn’t moving mum sorry x_

He texted his mum quickly before placing it back in his pocket. 

He could hear a baby crying somewhere on this train and little children laughing as they ran up and down the aisle and one of the girls had a doll in her hand and a boy had a train, which he found highly amusing. He smiled to them as they stopped in front of him since he was in the last row near the exit. 

“ _Sorry for the inconvenience ladies and gentlemen, we hope to have this fixed soon._ ” They all heard over the intercom and Dan groaned, tugging his jacket closer to himself and closing his eyes. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way. It was just an uncomfortable, unsettling feeling that came with the holidays. He could say that he loved them, because for the most part he truly did. He loved when London decorated for Christmas, he loved the days leading up to it. He loved doing Gamingmas everyday because it gave them something to do, something to look forward to, but he dreaded whenever they started to get the suitcases out, both debating which ones they were going to take their own home, and stealing a shirt from the other because even though the break wasn’t that long, it was long enough for Dan. He didn’t know how to explain it to Phil who didn’t always understand but was trying to. 

Christmas was a great time, but it was also an exhausting one when you weren’t that close with your family, and when all the Christmas traditions were generic. He sighed deeply, watching as the last bit of beautiful colour in the sky vanished and it was a gray sky and there were rain clouds rolling in. The weather was below fifty but it didn’t feel like it. 

His phone buzzed. It was a text from Phil. 

_Sorry that things are so hard. We can still Skype until you fall asleep. <3_

He didn’t message back, just sighed again. 

“You mind if I sit here?” Dan had looked up to see an older woman maybe in her 70’s and a big bag in her hand gesturing towards his empty seat. He had shook his head. 

“No, go ahead.” He had moved his laptop bag over by his feet and smiled faintly. 

“I have a seat up there but unfortunately I can’t see since it’s so dark and I’m afraid I might have overexerted myself going a car over to use the loo.” She further explained, taking a long breath now that she was seated. 

“You’re fine.” He smiles, looking out the window seeing a few people talking to each other about the train. He couldn’t tell if they were working on it or not if they were just arguing. 

“Are you heading home for Christmas?” The lady had asked, her eyes looking down at his computer bag. 

He nodded his head. “Yeah. Wokingham. Are you?” 

The lady had nodded, grabbing something from her bag, which was a granola bar.

“My son. He’s supposed to be proposing to his girlfriend tonight but I’m afraid I’m going to be missing it.”

Dan knew that it was because it had been a long day but he felt something stuck in the middle of his throat. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Dan gave her a sympathetic smile. 

“Oh, it’s fine. I’m just grateful for smartphones. We’re able to record everything with those now.” She had held her phone up, seeing the image of a dog and Dan smiled. It was a very cute and fluffy one that any other day he would comment on, but he was too tired. 

“You’re right. It’s not the same as being there though, yeah?” 

She nodded her head, humming to a tune that he didn’t know but was enjoying it because it was a level of familiarity. 

“Do you go to school in London?” She eventually asked. 

Dan chuckled and shook his head. “No, I just live in London. I went to law school briefly in Manchester, but that was quite a while ago.” 

“Not as long as me, I bet.” She laughed, nudging him a bit and it made Dan laugh. 

“I dunno. You seem quite young to me.” Dan shrugged his shoulders, and she laughed harder. 

“So what do you do in London?” 

The age old question. Dan never knew what to say to people who asked, and he knew that the older generation never really took him seriously, and he couldn’t really blame them. He laughed a little uncomfortably as he stared down at the ground for a brief moment. “Uh. I make videos. On Youtube. About my life, all the horrible past decisions I’ve made, I try and make them funny and relatable and people can maybe use them as a life lesson or something.” 

He waited for her reaction. She didn’t have one other than a nod to the head and a bite of her granola bar. 

“That seems pretty interesting. I imagine that must be hard living your life on the internet. Do you have friends outside of that?”

He thought of Wirrow and Bryony, and he thought of all the friends he made through Phil. It was always an interesting question and it always went a few ways. He tried to not mention Phil to strangers because people normally took it as something that was sketchy, and to be fair, it did sound that way, but also, it was special to him still, but it was also their origin story. 

“Yeah. I have a few. I met my best friend because of Youtube. We make videos together.” It was completely dark now if not for a few phone flashlights. 

“I think that’s amazing. If you can’t make them in real life, why not make them online?” She had put her granola wrapper back in her bag and they sat in silence for a while. 

The only sound that could be made was from other passengers. Little children asking when they were going home and if they could watch something on the ipad. 

“How come you’re heading home so late?” The woman had asked, he couldn’t see her very well, but he knew that she was doing her best to look at him, so he extended the same courtesy. 

“I’d make the same joke that I tell a lot of people: they have bad wifi. I think that it’s just… a lot of things. I love Christmas. My friends love Christmas. My best friend especially loves Christmas but it’s… I don’t know how to explain it. Just long. Exhausting. This year especially I haven’t been feeling it.” 

She took that for what it was, and seemed she was thinking quite thoughtfully. 

“Can I tell you a secret? I feel the same way. My husband died a couple of years ago, Christmas hasn’t been the same since. I know I have my kids but they’ve gone on holiday this year other than my youngest son. He had gotten out of a bad relationship, and found the one many years later and tonight was meant to be special for him. He wanted me to be there.” 

It seemed that they all had their reasons for showing up late. At least hers was valid. Dan just didn’t want to be there. 

“I think after Christmas I’m going to go on Holiday. Spend some time with myself. Read a few books. Maybe buy a plant to take care of. My dog will inevitably ruin the plant but it’s a nice gesture. Perhaps you should do the same.” She nudges him gently again and he laughs. 

“That sounds like the dream. I need to practice self care more often than I do. My form of self care is sleeping in a little later and watching hours of the telly.” 

“Still self care. We all have our different forms of it. As long as you get up the next day and try and make it better.” 

He knew that she was right. He had to stop beating himself up like this because it didn’t bring him any good wallowing in it. That was the problem in the first place. He was doing a lot better, especially since the beginning of the year they had so much going on when it came to their old apartment and moving, and planning things for the future. Dan still saw his therapist, and now that he was off his medication and it was the holidays he especially needed to be careful. He needed to realize that it was okay to not like the holidays as much as his friends or Phil did. It was okay to feel this way as long as he didn’t drown himself in it. The icky feeling would go away and how he dealt with it would always stay. 

He was doing good. Even if there were long days when it felt impossible, it never truly was. 

_How are you doing??_

Phil texted again. 

He didn’t answer back. Not yet. 

The train was quiet, other than quiet hums of people talking to their children or partners, the lady next to him had been humming along to a Christmas song that he actually knew. He didn’t sing along as to not ruin the song for her but he enjoyed it while she hummed it. It felt familiar, like the kind of days that you take for granted once they’ve passed. It felt like a memory he had before and suddenly remembered because of the pleasant tune and the sound of her voice. They had never met each other before but she made him feel like they had known each other their entire life and they were just catching up. Both of them stuck on this train until it moved, but it didn’t. Not yet. Both caught on something that held them back; the death of a loved one, the longing to be with someone else. Yet. Yet here they were, going back to the places that they’ve known, to the people that they loved even if they wished to be somewhere else, because that was the holidays, and that’s what you do for the people you love. 

Although Dan was learning that blood doesn't make a family. Time and dedication did. He couldn’t wait to get home, say hi to Colin, hug Adrian and mess with his hair, catch his mum and dad up on the train fiasco, maybe have a cup of tea and Skype with his partner and best friend for life, and tell him all about this woman that he had met on the train who was humming to the tune, _Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas._

In a couple of days it would all seem so trivial that he was even worried about the holidays in the first place, he just needed to give it time. Lots, and lots of time. 

“You know, I never got your name.” She says, stopping her humming for just a second. 

“Dan.” He reaches out to shake her head even in the dark. 

“Dan. That’s a nice name. I’m Lois.” She shakes his hand, and it feels like she’s telling him a story with her hand which was both warm but worn, but not necessarily in a bad way. 

After they shake hands, the lights turn back on, and it makes Dan blink numerous of times, but there’s clapping on the train, and an announcement that they’ll be on their way very soon. 

The woman looks as sweet as she sounds, she looks at Dan and nods her head like she knew all along. “You look as sweet as you sound.” She says, patting his shoulder and getting her things together. 

“Well, Dan. I think it’s time for me to get back to my seat. Thank you for keeping me company. I know that the holidays are hard sometimes but I think you’ll be okay. Think of the good stuff, have a drink, remember why you do whatever it is that you do. I hope you have an amazing Christmas Eve, and Merry Christmas in advance.” She grabs something from her bag and then hands it to him. It’s a small little elephant ornament, it looks handmade. 

“I made this earlier, a little Christmas cheer.” She doesn’t wait for him to react, she leaves but looks back one last time and waves. 

He holds it in his hands gently and places it somewhere safe.

Dan grabs his phone again and types a message back to Phil. 

_i’m better x_

*

By the time that he gets home it’s almost midnight, his parents are tired and Adrian is already in his room but Colin likes to sleep with Dan when he’s home so he ends up following him to his room. He lets him up on the bed and pets him for a few minutes just reeling in the events that had happened. 

The conductor never explained what actually had happened to the train other than some vague answers and everyone was just too tired to ask he supposed. He wasn’t really listening by the time they pulled up in the station, grabbing his luggage from the compartment quickly and finding his mum’s car. 

He grabbed his laptop from it’s bag and then plugged his computer in, letting it charge while he changed into pyjamas. Phil was still up and still ready to Skype. He was glad that while he didn’t participate in many traditions this year since getting home late, he still had this one. 

He grabbed the small elephant from his jacket pocket and held it in his hands, that same feeling that he had felt when she was telling him about her husband was back. Like he wanted to cry but he couldn’t. It wasn’t necessarily a feeling of sadness, more than just feeling like he needed to cry about _something_. It was a small gift, but a gift nonetheless and he wanted to tell Phil all about it. He didn’t answer on the first ring, but by the second he had seen his familiar face and all that stress and worry that he had before slowly melted away as he had backtracked a little to give Phil some context. 

He held the ornament up, the one that Lois had spent time on to give to her son, but instead gave to a stranger like Dan who looked like he needed a little Christmas spirit, or maybe a little bit of Christmas magic. Even if he didn’t believe in Christmas magic, he had to appreciate people’s generosity and kindness and maybe that was it all along. 

Phil had smiled, “Well, now we have an elephant to add to our ornament collection.” 

Dan had smiled down at the carefully crafted gift. “I guess so.” 

Dan had looked at his brown walls and his small bed, and a dog that was a new addition to the family but made him so happy. He wagged his tail when Dan looked at him, and he rubbed him behind the ears because he knew that he liked it and Phil said a very enthusiastic hi to the dog and wished that he was there to pet him himself. 

“I’m sorry you had a stressful Christmas Eve, Dan. You’re home now and it’s about to be Christmas Day, in… Three. Two. One.” Phil had acted like he was hugging the computer which Dan appreciated as he tapped three times against the screen. 

“You need to get some sleep, Dan. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

Dan did feel tired, but he also felt a lot lighter, too. 

Christmas would always be an exhausting day but he had things to look forward to. 

“Goodnight, Phil. Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas, Dan. Get some sleep. Cuddle Colin for me since I can’t. Love you.” They gave each other a second before they hung up. 

Dan had put his computer back in it’s bag and pulled the covers over his head, placing the elephant on the nightstand. 

Dan was beginning to realize that some of the best days are the ones that come from a lot of pain and sadness. Christmas Eve wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be and he knew Christmas Day would be good too, in due time. 

Soon, it’d be New Years Eve and he was looking forward to that fresh start with the people that he loved. 

Dan turned the light off; there was a time for everything, and this time, it was for sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos appreciated! 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr/twitter: **@nihilismdan.**


End file.
